OSU

The Daily O'Collegian
Publication Date: September 17, 2002

Seriously, the penis-envy is getting old

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Brandi Ball
Asst. Sports Editor

Women really suck.

All summer the sports world has been flooded with women crying for equality on the luscious grounds of Augusta National. And, all summer, I have wanted to choke the same women with the force of Junior Seau's tackling ability.

Why, why, why?

Augusta National is a PRIVATE club, of which allows only male memberships. That, my friends, should be the end of the story. However, the same women who snarl at the thought of men invading their "women-only health club," are up in arms about being excluded from Augusta.

Is anyone else confused?

Seems to me that if the Masters weren't hosted by Augusta, then no one would care if women were admitted to the club or not. There aren't pending lawsuits and crazy menopausal women after all the other male-only clubs in the nation. And, contrary to popular belief, Augusta isn't the only one of the sort.

As a PRIVATE club, Augusta has the right to allow, or disallow, anyone it pleases. That is the beauty of having a PRIVATE club. No civil lawsuit by the National Council of Women's Organizations will result in the club omitting the gender box from the application process.

Just like the PRIVATE women's organizations it stands for, the NCWO is the pot calling the kettle black. If you happen to glance down the list of NCWO members, you will see hundreds of women-only organizations such as the Jewish Women International, National Organization for Women, National Woman's Party - and, my personal favorite - Post Partum Support International.

What do you think the NCWO would have to say if a 68-year-old man decided to attend meetings at the Post Partum headquarters? I don't think they would be handing him Kleenex and asking him to share his experiences. So, you see, there is hypocrisy in what NCWO stands for in the first place. They must think they should be able to make the rules for every other PRIVATE club in the world, but at the same time, not follow their own policy.

No, we aren't in the 1960s anymore - women have more rights. Voting booths are open, female sports teams are prevalent and women have careers. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the advancement our society has made regarding gender issues. However, stating discrimination factors when describing a PRIVATE club's member qualifications is pure ignorance. The very definition of a PRIVATE club such as Augusta is that it can cater to any group of people it chooses.

Heck, they could declare tomorrow that only yellow- and purple-striped Smurf people under the age of 53 with 2.7 children and a pet iguana are allowed membership. Hey, you crazy women - PRIVATE clubs can do as they wish.

It is just so tiring to hear the female species complain and moan and groan about everything they don't have, and chalk it up to discrimination. Maybe if there weren't so many of those types, discrimination wouldn't be so rampant, and anti-women's lib people, like myself, wouldn't get a bad name for the stupidity of her sisters.

I say, "Go, Augusta, go!" And more power to the tradition you stand for. As a female, if I wish to swing a nine iron, I will just go elsewhere quietly. But, I will respect the historical significance Augusta has brought to the game of golf over the years.

Oh yeah, and women still suck.

Except the ones in my PRIVATE "other-women- suck" club.